Hello from the Catskills, the land of new album development

comping vocals for peak emotional peaks

Friends- I was in NYC to workshop the musical (will prove that in another post) and then I took a train to the Catskills to work on the album with friend and engineer extraordinaire Eli Crews. I am superstitious but also not too afraid to say that we are getting very close to finishing!!

This album finds me asking for forgiveness a handful of times, albeit in different narrative voices.

I realized mid-take that the spiritual transport these moments hold and encourage are not unlike what I felt recording A Man Alive in 2015/2016, channeling some part of the character Jack and the family who loves him in Marilynne Robinson’s Gilead. In “Astonished Man” in particular I am seeking understanding and forgiveness for my father— I was, it seemed, supernaturally moved to write it after reading a beautiful, softly devastating scene that just broke me open. I’m not sure I’ve broadcast this enough but that song, its prevailing sentiment, the entire album wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t been reading Gilead. Thank you so much Ms. Robinson.

Here is some transcript from my episode of Song Exploder in 2016 (as guest, not guest host) explaining the significance of Gilead for Astonished Man and A Man Alive.

I was reading Marilynne Robinson's novel Gilead, and there is this character (Jack) who is a

black sheep or an outcast of his family, and he's returned after several years of

being completely out of touch. And he's about to leave again and, basically,

break his father's heart. And there's this passage where he's asking forgiveness

from a family friend.

(Gilead by MARILYNNE ROBINSON: Then he stopped, and looked at me, and said, “You

know, I'm doing the worst possible thing again, leaving now. Glory will never forgive me”)

Thao: This character, and the way that he's developed and rendered struck me so

deeply. And it reminded me so much of my dad in this one passage in particular,

sort of brought me closer to understanding my dad, and gave me a kind of

compassion and a curiosity about him that I hadn't entertained before.

Wondering what kind of person he had been all these years that I didn't know

him. And I just started weeping. And I immediately started writing “Astonished

Man.”

Thao: Which is, in part, inspired by Marilynne Robinson's writing, is one who would be

astonished with the amount of forgiveness that could be afforded him. That kind

of astonishment that, in the end, people would still come looking for him and

want, you know, a part of him. And, he’s convinced he’s undeserving of such.

(“Gilead” by MARILYNNE ROBINSON: I said, “We all love you, you know?” And he laughed and

said, “You’re all saints.” He stopped in the door and lifted his hat, and then, he was gone. God

bless him.”)

Thao: No matter how his family loves him or tries to, they can never keep him, you

know, for whatever his ideas about himself are; his ideas of what he deserves or

what he's worth. I don't know if that's my dad's deal, but it certainly offered this

different perspective and this humanity that I guess I had denied him.

What I did not know was how that character would stay with me, and that ten years on in my songwriting I wouldn’t be channeling the family forgiving, I would be channeling the character asking for forgiveness. I am swimming around in it, what life is, how hard and high-stakes it is when we try and participate, keeping faith that there is no point if we don’t.

In 2015 I was trying to forgive my father for being a Jack and then ten years later here I am being a Jack and asking for forgiveness.

This is not me experiencing any revelation this is just me missing my cue:

*When I was young, around 5, one of my rewards for good behavior or task completion would be that I could ask to swear. I would ask both my brother and my father “can I say it?? Can I say it??” And mostly they would nod permission and I would delightedly ramp up and wind up and say “shiiiiiiiiiit.” Above is the more adult version.

Below- you can watch takes of these bridge lines and then the comping wizardry of Eli Crews as we choose phrase by phrase, word by word, because I am very particular about achieving a moment. I care about all elements of recording at least a little bit but I care an extreme almost zealot-level amount about delivery and emotion and capturing the scene of connection and communication I see and hear in my mind.

Paywall is up because of new album material/ vulnerability, etc. thank you!!